Best. Mother's Day. Ever.

Hey y'all! So I've taken a little break from writing on the blog recently, somewhat intentionally & somewhat just because life in general keeps me fairly busy. God is doing a major work in our family at the moment, but I'm just not ready to write about it yet. We are dreaming big dreams, and praying a lot. We aren't sure what the Lord is up to exactly yet, but we feel a tremendous heart change, which has been nothing short of miraculous to experience. More on that later...

 I just had the best Mother's Day ever! A while ago, Dan & I mutually decided that we didn't want to do gifts for Mother's day & Father's day. It seems ironic to us to spend lots of money on gifts for each other to celebrate a day that really we should be thankful for the blessing that each one of our children is to us.  We would rather spend a whole day together as a family, having fun & intentionally loving each other. We want to model to our kids that time together is way more important than buying gifts. So that's exactly what we did. The Lord filled my cup to overflowing spending time with the ones I love most. We went to the Whitewater Center here in Charlotte, put the babies in hiking backpacks & set out on an adventure, even in the rain. I loved every.single.second. Hiking, camping, & just generally being outdoors has always been our "thing" (if we have one), but we were a little unsure of how everyone would do yesterday. The Lord gave us such sweet time together, my heart was nearly bursting by the time we got home to make homemade pizza together. To say I am overwhelmed by the blessing of each one of my girls is an enormous understatement. I love, love being their mama. God has given me an enormous responsibility to model His grace, love, & patience to each one of them, & I fail every day. But He sustains me & provides all that I need. If my girls grow into Jesus-lovin, preachin it to the world kind of women (and I pray they do), it has very little to do with me, and a whole lot to do with Him. My man & these 4 little girls mean the world to me, & are my perfect provision here on earth. I am ever so very thankful to be their wife & mama!

Mama & Michaela

Big girls watching the rafters coming down the river - yes, that is Winnie the Pooh in Abbie's backpack;-)

Amelia likes hiking with Daddy!

Michaela (in front) & Amelia at lunch

Abbie & Ellie eating lunch in the rain

Michaela likes hiking too!

Ellie bug resting on a rock!

Amelia (on the right) & Michaela playing at home!

                   

Sisters

I have been beyond blessed with sisters in my life, one biological and two friends who know me so well that they are sisters of my heart.  All 3 of these beautiful women are going through major life changes and making decisions that will impact their families for a lifetime.  I pray for all 3 of them all.the.time.

My sister, Betsy, and her husband, Jeremy, and baby girl, Lucy were here for a 5 day visit a couple of weeks ago.  I can't I tell y'all how much my cup was filled by being with them.  I haven't seen my niece Lucy since she was 6 weeks old, she's now almost 8 months.  She's cute beyond words, and I fell in love with her all over again.  She's walking, which I cannot believe!!  We've always had early walkers in our house, but not that early...she's a baby genius, if I do say so myself;-)  Betsy and I haven't lived near each other in over 11 years.  Its hard for me to believe its been that long.  Over the weekend, we got to spend time together talking, laughing, and crying.  It was so good for my soul.  She's 2 1/2 years younger than I am, and I've watched her grow into a wonderful woman of the Lord.  To now share the bond of motherhood with her is beyond special to me.  She's such an awesome mom!! Betsy and Jeremy are in the process of trying to decide where Jeremy will go to graduate school next fall, with each choice carrying them a farther physical distance from us than they are right now.  I know the anxiety of making weighty decisions that will impact not just my life but those of my children and family.  It's a hard thing!  I'm praying that they have peace & go where the Lord leads them, with our blessing, even though it breaks my heart to have them farther away.

Pictures from our weekend together -

Abbie's playing soccer for the first time!  She's getting a little sideline coaching from Daddy:)

My beautiful sister, and sweet little Lucy at Abbie's soccer game!

Ok, is she not too cute?  Little Lucy with Amelia & Michaela - they're only 3 months apart.

This cutie pie (Michaela) decided to roll over for the first time while Aunt Betsy & Uncle Jeremy were visiting.  Michaela is definitely out to beat her bigger sister:)

Ellie bug would really like to get down and play soccer with the big kids!

My 2 sisters of the heart, Wendi & Betsy (yes I have a BFF with the same name as my sister - its a good name:)), are also in the process of going where the Lord is leading them, literally.  Wendi and her family are moving to Mozambique, Africa to be translation missionaries with Wycliffe Bible Translators.  We've been praying with their family for over 2 years for the Lord's direction in their life, and He's answered in a big way.  Read more about their ministry and family here on her blog - www.richlysupplied.com.  In short, I admire their faithfulness and obedience to the Lord beyond what I could put into words.  She has always been a mentor to me in my faith, and we love their family dearly.  Betsy & her family have also been seeking the Lord's direction for their lives for the last several months.  It looks like they will also be moving in the next couple of months, not as far away as Africa, but farther away than they are right now.

I have never had friends as close as these two women.  We've known each other for almost 8 years.  We met in a young marrieds small group bible study in Winston-Salem when Dan was at Wake, and our friendships have deepened & grown beyond what I ever could have imagined.  We've all had children, 8 between the 3 of us in the last 8 years.  For our first two pregnancies, Betsy & I were pregnant at the same time.  Their children are more like cousins for our kiddos than friends.  I honestly feel like there will be a big hole in my life this fall when everyone has moved.

A picture from my baby shower for Ellie (Each woman in this picture is a very dear friend!  Wendi is to my left & Betsy is right beside her)...sorry Bets, I couldn't find a picture of us not preggo:)

With that said, these friends (& my sister of course) are friends for a lifetime, and I am eagerly waiting to see what the Lord will do through each of their families.  I keep reminding myself that we have all of eternity to spend together, but right now, there's work to be done in the name of the Lord.  As a family, we are seeking what the next direction is for us as well, and we hold our life out with open hearts and open hands & give it over to the Lord.  We long to join Him in the work He's doing, wherever that might take us.  Distance is a hard thing in this life, but so temporary.  Sometimes that doesn't help the hurt I feel at being separated from people I love so dearly.  Heaven feels like a far off dream, & yet I know that this life is but a blink of an eye.  Dan & I desperately don't want to waste a minute of it, & we want our children to see an example of lives lived for His glory.  The Lord has given me such a treasure in each of these 3 relationships, and I'm eternally grateful for each of them!

Encouragement in the Little Things

So, the last 10 days in our house have not been any fun (minor understatement). All 4 of the kiddos have been sick, thankfully not all at the same time. Amelia has had it the worst - we're doing breathing treatments with her multiple times a day in hopes that she won't have to go back into the hospital.  Mama is discouraged - the little girls started sleeping through the night last week, which made my life better in ways I cannot express in words. This week, not so much.  I am just plain worn out. At the end of an exhausting day the Author of Grace gave me this...

A reminder of the precious gift we've been given in having twins!  And this...

Hey, big sister, can I gnaw on your arm for just a little bit??:)  It made me laugh!

And, when I'm feeling overwhelmed and impatient, I listen to this song by JJ Heller (who is right up my alley) & it makes me cry & remember the truth of being a mama - its my joy & privilege to parent the amazing blessings He's given me!  I hope it encourages your heart...enjoy!

(I didn't post this Youtube video - I found it already there;-)).

Ellie is 2!

On February 5 our precious Ellie bug turned a big 2 years old! She is such an amazing little girl and an abundant picture of God's grace & love for our family. Feel free to eavesdrop on a little love letter from mommy to daughter, but this is primarily for her one day when she's grown up enough for me to tell her all the things I wish she could understand right now! 

My sweet Ellie! How I wish I could put into words how much you light up my life & bring me joy I never knew was possible! You have a wonderful, God-given sense of humor that literally keeps me & your daddy laughing constantly. You have no idea what a precious gift that is during this time of little sleep & high stress in our family! I prayed for you from before the time I knew you existed. And I still (and always will) pray for you multiple times every day. I pray for little things, like asking the Lord to watch over you & give you sweet dreams as you sleep. I pray for big things, like asking Him to be the lover of your soul & wooing you into a deep, grace-filled relationship with the One who died for you. I pray that you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much you are loved & what a special place you have in our family. I pray that you grow into a strong, confident, gracious woman of the Lord, who shares His love bravely & fearlessly with a world who so desperately needs Him. Your name, Eliana Christine, means my God has answered through Christ. And answer He has! I have no idea what the Lord has planned for your life, but it's one of the greatest gifts of mine that He's allowed me and your daddy front row seats to journey with you. I love you more than I could ever tell you, and you, my little lovey, are the perfect second little girl for our family! Happy second birthday!

 I promise you had more fun than what it looks like in this picture!

 So over the moon excited to eat your cupcake!

 Now that's the stuff!

So yummy!

3 Months...

Three whole months of these beautiful little girls!  I can hardly believe it.  I told myself at the end of my pregnancy that if we could just make it until the girls were 3 months old, we'd be settled in and getting more sleep.  I'm sort-of laughing at that thought now!  We are settling in, and they are the perfect completion to our little family, but I'm getting way less sleep than I thought I would be by now.  I would be lying if I said our days are always joy filled & I skip through them without the least bit of exhaustion or impatience.  Oh, what the Lord is teaching me through these 4 gorgeous little girls!  I hope that I'm growing in patience and endurance.  I would like to say that I am.  I'm not sure about that yet, but I know He is trying to get me there.  Endurance is certainly how I am spending most of our days right now.  The lack of sleep is overwhelming at times, multiplied by 4 little ones clamoring for mommy every minute of every day.  I would love to say that I answer each and every need with a "yes, sweetheart, what do you need?  What can mommy do for you?", but I would be lying again.  I do so love them with a ferocity that I never knew existed, and I am painfully aware that this is a fleeting season that will be gone before I know it.  So, I'm praying every minute of every day that I would not just endure this season of no sleep and poopy diapers, but that I would relish it.  Next fall, Abbie will be going to kindergarten, and I'm already having breakdowns about it.  Not that I think she's not ready or we're making the wrong decision (totally different topic for another time), but that I'm realizing each and every child we have is entrusted to us for such a short period of time.  Its my job to give them wings to fly so that they will show the world the scandalous love of Christ, and fly from our nest they will all too soon.  So, today, in my sleep-deprived delirium, I'm choosing to love them with all I've got, imperfect as I may be.  I'm understanding more & more the love the Father has for each one of us, and my heart's desire is to impart that to my precious little girls.

3 Months of watching them try to hold hands!

3 Months of Michaela's painted finger nails (that's how we tell them apart)!

3 Months of being a big, big sister!

3 Months of this adorable face, multiplied by 2!

A Word of Encouragement

I saw this verse a few days ago on a blog that I follow, and it has encouraged my heart since I read it.  The Lord has brought it to my mind over and over again, and every time I'm reminded of it, I rest in His great provision and His awesome presence.

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  Isaiah 40:11 (emphasis mine)

Did you get that last part?  He gently leads those that have young...that's me (and anyone else with children, young & old alike)!  I also love the part of the verse right above it where it says He gathers the lambs in his arms & carries them close to his heart.  I can't describe the peace that washes over me knowing not only is He leading me gently because he knows the magnitude of the job He's given me, but He's carrying my lambs (His lambs) close to his heart.  Friends, let that wash over you for a minute.  Quiet your heart and sit in His presence if only for a few seconds.  He's not asking you to do more, to be more, to check one more thing off of your to-do list.  He doesn't care if you ever follow through on all of your New Year's resolutions or if your house is clean.  He loves you intensely and you already have His approval, so there's no need to work for it.  There is no peace in all of my minutes on earth like allowing Him to lead me gently.

We've had some awesome teaching at our church on just what a shepherd does, because the analogy is virtually lost on our modern day culture, and yet it is such a rich, intimate picture and is used throughout Scripture.  I'm not sure what I thought a shepherd did, but I know I didn't (& still don't) have a complete picture.  Now that I'm a little more familiar with a shepherd's role though, it does help me to look at the Lord as a fierce Protector, the consummate Provider, and the ultimate gentle Leader.  I can rest in that, friends, knowing that its not about whether I've checked off my list if I've done my quiet time today, read my Bible enough, was good enough.  He gently lifts my head to look into His loving eyes, and I remember its not about me at all, its about Him.

I hope this verse encourages you as much as its encouraged me this week, and I hope you will be brave enough to sit in His presence just to spend some time with the Lover of your soul.

Trials & Triumphs

Wow!  I cannot believe that our baby girls are over 2 months old already!  10 weeks on Thursday to be exact.  The time has flown and it has crawled all at the same time.  The holidays were different for us this year, but full of joy as we celebrated our bigger family.  I have to say that I'm a little relieved to get back to normal, or our new normal, whatever that is for us right now.  The last two months have been full of some of the biggest mountains I could never have imagined we would climb as a family, challenging is an understatement.  But, I look at these 4 beautiful faces every day and I am overwhelmed by the blessing they each are to us.  That the Lord would entrust us with these four precious lives is something I'll never understand but am so thankful for.  As I prayed and prayed when I first found out we were having twins, I felt the Lord really impressing on my heart that these two sweet babies were meant to be a blessing to our family and never to be a burden.  They are truly a blessing, my friends.  There are days when I am overwhelmed with a sense of joy welling up inside of me.  Most mornings as I get out of bed bleary eyed from intense sleep deprivation, I cannot keep the smile off of my face.  My mom was here last week for a holiday visit, and as I was sharing my heart with her, she told me that she always saw me doing just exactly what I'm doing, being a mom.  Truly, this is my calling in life at this moment, and I never ever thought that I would feel even more  fulfilled by adding two more little ones to our family.  But, I do.  I also did something new this year around New Year's.  I went on a mini New Year's retreat.  I had some time off by myself (heaven!) to reflect on last year, to dream and plan for this coming year, and to set some goals for me and for our family.  I'm not really one for traditional "resolutions" but I feel such a sense of excitement and freedom starting the New Year with prayerful goals in mind.  One of which is to write a bit more here on this little blog since I really have a love of writing and a passion to share who Jesus is, hence the post tonight;-)  I feel all jumbled up inside at the moment, so if this is a little chaotic to read, my apologies.  My heart most of the time is bursting with new found passion & joy for getting to know my Jesus is a different way by allowing Him to take me on this journey.  I'm also very, very tired, so I'm a little delirious most of the time too!  I hope that during the holiday season you met the Lord in a new and fresh way, and that you're ready to start the adventure of a New Year.  This time last year, I was recovering physically & emotionally from a very early miscarriage, and I had no idea what the Lord had planned for us in 2011.  I'm honestly a little scared and very excited to begin the journey of 2012!  Thanks so much for journeying with us!